think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Use "feeling words"
Yay
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
