did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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