WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I fill condoms, not promises.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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