I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
