she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
