How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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