I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
