are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Come share oat with me in your robe
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
