Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
