Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
