He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
foreskin is a definite game changer
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
