we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
smell my finger.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
