I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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