You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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