Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
