your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
