The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
