Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Randomize
