I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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