so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
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Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
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It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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