love makes seman taste better
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
