We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
