We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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