I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
