some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
