Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
