I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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