I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
