Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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