i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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