I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
