first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
