I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
