guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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