I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
