Whod you bang
I smell stomach acid.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
