I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
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There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
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I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
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