NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
