Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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