Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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