Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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