We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
