I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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