Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
