i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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