I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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