you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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