her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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