She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
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I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
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I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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