Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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