Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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