That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
