I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
