I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
