is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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