afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Randomize
