I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
