it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
