That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
