Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
