I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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