is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
