Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
