I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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