It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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