you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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