well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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