He disabled his match.com account in front of me
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
When are your genitals available?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
