Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
